Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
