I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
