I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
whose parrot is this?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
