I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
