how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
