cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think we might need a safe word for this...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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