Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
