He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
