I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
