thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
