they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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