Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
