I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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