i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
