i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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