would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
