Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
