I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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