So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize