Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
