People in love make me want to vomit
my being single is dangerous.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
