Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I supernannyed him into submission
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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