i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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