either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
