My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
