she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I AM VODKA MAN
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
