I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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