I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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