we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
MIDGETS
????
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
