i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize