Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
