I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
