Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
