I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
