Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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