and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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