so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
