Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
