Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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