I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
