we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
