If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
