I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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