Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
