Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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