you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
