trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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