I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
