So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
