im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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