she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
