I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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