He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
