I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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