i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You pole danced in your parka.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
