Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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