Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
