I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
