I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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