I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
