we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
