You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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