I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
