The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
