What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
