New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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