Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
