it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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