i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
